Green with Envy
by Chameleon Eyes
Summary: Link has a problem. He hates Ghirahim. Mainly because he steals his almost-official-girlfriend away to meet with Demise's lead singer, Ganondorf Dragmire. On top of that, Link gets jealous easily, and these outings with the band (or any guy besides him) just makes his life green with envy. And that doesn't sit too well with Zelda. Modern AU. Zelink. One shot.


**Warning: This story contains coarse language and suggestive sexual themes.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Legend of Zelda_ or any of its characters. **

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**_Green with Envy_**

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It was just like any other day in Hylian class. The professor was at the front, droning on and on about the great literature of Hylian artists when nobody really cared—let's be honest, we were all there just to get the required credit.

The lecture room housed many different types of students—there you have the leg-shaker who shook his legs until the whole row felt his leg fat jiggling within themselves. Over there, the foodie who always brought in piles of food—sometimes it was great smelling, other times it was beyond odious, but most of the time it was annoying because she was reckless and the food splashed everywhere, and when she was done, there were containers that usually fell to the ground or onto the poor kid next to her. To the front was the over-achiever who paid close attention with greedy eyes and good ears that sucked in all the useless information the prof talked about—it was most likely not going to be on the exam. She always looked angrily at the kid next to her—the challenger. He raised his hand all the time, and when the prof didn't pick him (the prof actually avoided him like the plague), he still spoke his opinion, and when there was a lot of evidence against his opinion, he _still _went against whatever the prof just said. He thought he was so right and brilliant, but let's face it, the prof made a _living_ out of Hylian literature, and that kid was just making the class _more _long and boring. And of course the kid over there to the far right was sleeping. She _never _paid attention…

"Anyone sitting here?" a voice asked. I turned to it to see a girl who literally looks like Goldilocks with her curled hair in pigtails and preppy clothes.

"Nope!" I said, slightly annoyed at her intrusion on my leisurely people-watching time, and moved my bag that's sitting on her seat. She muttered a _thanks_, unfolded her notepad and took out a pen, listening to the boring, old prof. She was two hours late and there's only thirty minutes left to go, and all I could think about during those thirty minutes was _Why bother going to class at all?_

As she was note taking with her girl-ish handwriting of cute curls and occasional flower doodles to the side, I noticed how cute her profile looks. Big, blue eyes, a celestial nose and thin lips that have an exaggerated cupid's bow. My eyes trailed downwards. She had a long neck and a very small, but very nice—

"What are you looking at?" she hissed, and my eyes returned to hers. She looked so pissed and angry at that instant, I was afraid she'd stab with her pen. Embarrassed, I turned away, pretending the whole incident never happened.

Finally, the prof said the words everyone was waiting for: Class dismissed!

I took one more look at the girl, and then something wild happened. As she packed her bags, I lean slightly forward and say, "Wanna grab a bite to eat? My treat." That's when I felt like a complete dumbass with the silly rhyming. Talk about lame_-o. _

"Why would I want to go out with a perv?" she demanded. "I saw you staring at me the whole time Professor Reagan was talking."

_Yeouch. _So she _did _notice…

"It's not like that! I mean, it _was—_but I swear you saw me looking only when I noticed your weird birthmark!"

She narrowed her eyes. "What birthmark?"

"The one on your neck. It's shaped like a little heart. It looks really cute." _Really cute? _I almost smack myself on the head. What guy says that?!

"Oh," she said, "oh." And then another wild thing happened. "Yeah, sure. I'm pretty hungry. Know any good diners?"

I grinned at that and nodded my head ecstatically like a village idiot. "Link," I said, sticking out my hand. "A pleasure to meet your acquaintance."

She smiled one of those smiles that are both sweet, alluring, cute and undeniably wise all at once. "Zelda," she said, and shook my hand.

X

So our first date wasn't _really _a date, which (as I see it) is defined by a dinner, a movie, and with the guy being all polite to the girl as the girl giggles cutely in her carefully planned outfit. To our defense, it was an _impromptu _date—her in her old granny clothes and me in an ugly green hoodie that wasn't washed in weeks, and both of us in a shitty run-downed diner that went by the name of Ghirahim's (who, which I later found out, was one of her closest friends). Miraculously, she didn't even care. Not even when all our books, bags, and our two bodies squeezed onto my skinny, worn-down bicycle. We arrived at the diner with a large **_BANG!_** (No kidding, I smashed into a fire-hydrant. Whoops).

Another wild thing happened. She didn't leave. Zelda laughed it off, thinking it was hilarious as two, big, glob of tears rolled down her cheeks, her smile wrinkling with little dimples everywhere. Pretty soon, I was laughing it off myself. I couldn't help it, her laughter was just that contagious.

So we get off of the mess I made, picked up our bags, and headed inside. Zelda talked about how she can pay for the damage, but I waved it off saying that it was okay, that she didn't have to pay for anything but dessert—two big milkshakes that cost only five rupees each.

I got a mint flavoured one and she got a chocolate one. We sipped and chatted over our two melting shakes until it was dark outside. We didn't talk about anything important—all I learned was that she was some rich man's daughter in a law program, and all she learned about me was that I was in the kinesiology program and grew up as a poor farmer's son. She was the head cheerleader and president of her class. I was the jock and the most popular dude in school. Had we met in high school, I guaranteed we would've been sweethearts.

At last, she set aside her half-empty gigantic shake.

"It was nice talking to you," she said. "I don't suppose we can go on another date, eh?"

"I assure you there will be no biking accidents on the next one."

She laughed. "All right, Link. See ya."

The funny thing is we went to the same bus stop as each other. I caught up to her later since I had to carry my damn bike and drop it off at the repair shop on the way, but there she was, listening to her phone, bobbing her head up and down, her curly hair going all over the place. That girl was totally rockin' it.

"Heya," I said, sliding smoothly onto the bench.

Flabbergasted, her light blue eyes widened and her mouth formed a pretty little 'o' as she ripped the earbuds off and shoved the phone into her purse. "Hey!" she said, sort of wheezing. Whoops. I took her breath away. "Hey! Didn't see you there—or hear you, for that matter."

"Guess you and I are taking the same glamorous ride," I said. "Metallic and shiny, long and big, with a beautiful interior of random ads that no one cares about but look at because they don't want to make any awkward eye contact."

"That's totally my ride," she said, nodding enthusiastically. "I think my favourite ad is the one with the hunk displaying a very wise pair of underpants. Yours?"

"The one where there's a half-naked lady posing seductively with a perfume bottle. Definitely makes me want to go buy some perfume."

The bus came rolling in with empty seats (I guess it was pretty late out). An irritated, sleepy driver who hugged the steering wheel opened the doors and gave us a look of death. She clearly wanted her shift to end. So, much to her credit, she ignored our really loudmouths as the huge stinking bus drove through the city.

For the remainder of the evening, Zelda and I sat on the bus, trying out all the different seats to get a nice view of the ads. We pointed at them, made fun of them, and said snarky comments.

"Ooh! This one looks like it's for _you!" _I said loudly, much to the dismay of the tired bus driver.

_"That?" _she asked as she pointed to the blonde woman decked out in a fluffy madness of pink, ruffles and ribbons. A gold crown perched on her head.

"Yeah! Princess Peach," I said. "She does look a lot like you, Princess."

She looked angry at that, but then sensing at the light humour in it, her dark gaze turned bright and she laughed manically. After about two straight minutes of laughing, she quieted down, took a deep breath and said, "Hm, yeah. I can see myself in that airbrushed ad. Blonde hair, blue eyes, a love for girlie things. But I would never—_ever—_dress in a princess dress."

"Your time may come," I said with a smirk.

And indeed her time did come. The following Halloween, after two months of hanging out—with no kissing at all (farthest I got was hand-holding)—she came in her Princess Peach outfit. I stood there and just . . . _stared. _

"Close your mouth! You're going to get a fly in it," she said, trying really hard to imitate the Princess Peach voice.

Oh, _man. _She looked _terrible _in that—all of the dress just gobbled her up like a people-eating cupcake. But me, being a gentleman and her almost-official-boyfriend, just nodded and smiled, pretending she was as hot as she was out of that monstrosity.

Just at that moment, Zelda's friend strutted over in his white jump-suit and flamboyant villain cape. "Oh, no! That is just too ugly. You gotta take off this—," a tearing sound emitted and a slight gasp from Zelda, "—and we gotta add a little banner over here—," he fumbled with a royal Hyrulean banner (which, if I may add, came out of _nowhere)_, "—ugh, that hair is _so _80's. How about a waterfall braid? . . .Hey, Navi! Gimme that golden bangle. 'Kay, thaaannnks, you're a doll!"

He stepped back, flicking his white, gelled hair, and grinned at his creation. His _beautiful _creation.

My heart nearly dropped at that. Even if Zelda was wearing a crappy costume from a crappy store, Ghirahim had made my almost-official-girlfriend into a princess of her own.

Then, in my state of shock, my idiotic mouth rambled, "Good lookin' princess," with the customary two thumbs-up and cheeky grin.

She rolled her eyes at that, not believing me, so the tender moment was lost. At the time, I felt bad at that—a lost opportunity to tell her how beautiful she was. I didn't know there'd be more romantic moments to tell her later on in our life—simply because I didn't think our relationship would last that far with Ghirahim showing her off to all the eligible suitors in the university, which was a very prestigious university with a lot of rich young fellas to woo the richest girl in school, who, unfortunately, was dating the _poorest _man in school—me, Link Tree (yeah, I know. An unfortunate last name. Got so many jokes. If I'd ask a question, some jerk would respond with 'I wooden know. Leaf me alone').

I'll be brief about this. I'm a small town guy, an orphan by nature, who lived on a farm with my adopted father the great Deku Tree. I call him great because he's the nicest, wisest, and strongest man that I have ever known. He's been through some pretty freaky stuff like wars and famines and living in the brutality of a small town, which I'm pretty familiar with since I too lived in the same town he grew up in. All those years in elementary school, I was treated as inferior since I was a common peasant working the farms. And then my awesome good looks kicked in in high school, so I got the girls screaming for me (which didn't help with the jealous eyes of the boys), but then I also had an amazing talent for any type of sport—hockey, sword fighting, lacrosse, soccer, you name it. That made me a real winner with all the sports teams, which were filled with the most popular guys, so then I became popular and my life as an unpopular guy ceased.

Then came Skyloft University, that offered so many sports scholarships, I couldn't resist. I got some money to cover food, rent, and school stuff, plus there was some extra left over to buy things I didn't need like new video-games and a trip to Zora's Domain. Okay, I'll end it there. I'm just going to rant on if I continue.

Anyway, back to Mr. Ghirahim (or Ghiri, as Zelda liked to call him). That guy ticked me off countless times. Mainly because he stole Zelda away from me and brought him to some of his rich friends, urging them to go out for coffee. Zelda, being the nice girl, didn't reject Ghirahim's meetings, until I approached her in early spring of our first year.

"Ghirahim isn't a bad guy, Link. He just wants me to meet new people," she said.

"Isn't it suspicious that—oh, I don't know!—they're all frickin' _rich _guys?!"

"He just wants me to make some connections."

I gave a heavy sigh, tapped the counter and stared off into the distance. I couldn't look at that innocent face. She'd just make my argument melt with it.

"Okay, Zel. You don't care for this relationship at all. You keep meeting some other guys and it's making me really jealous. And when I'm jealous, I'm mad!"

Zelda just gave me a look, cupped my boiling hot face, and pecked me on the lips (our first kiss—yeah, I know . . . _so sloooooww). _She spoke quietly as she looked to her feet. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize that you were so jealous at that." She tilted her head, fingers tapping her chin. "Actually, come to think about it, Ghirahim might have a crush on you . . . Aha! He wants to get rid of me. That's so cute!"

My jaw dropped. "What?"

"Oh, yeah! He likes the way you look, how you dress, the way you walk around and attract all sorts of people."

"But I'm not—"

"It's all right, Link. He's just having some fun." Another small kiss, this time it lasted longer. "Now, how about you and me go to a concert this Friday?"

"Uh . . ." At this point in time, she was distracting me a lot with her big googly eyes so close to my face that I could see the dark specks in her irises.

"Please?"

"Yeah, okay—fine. We'll go."

"That's great! 'cause I already got two tickets to Demise!"

"Demise?" She gave me an irritated look and I shut my trap. "Yeah. I love Demise!"

Actually, I did not. Demise, a heavy rock band with four half-naked dudes with long hair and wild costumes screaming obscenities, was not my cup of tea in music. I preferred the smooth acoustic guitars with poetic lyrics of deep meaning. Zelda, for some strange reason, really dug the heavy electric guitar and the hoarse voice of the lead singer—Ganondorf Dragmire.

Ghirahim was friends with this lead singer, who was very tall and packed with muscle into every core of his being. Ghrahim finally realized that a rich guy was his best friend. So of course he had to introduce Zelda—my now official girlfriend— to _him_.

Thankfully Zelda clung to my arm and insisted for me to come with them backstage, where Ganondorf grabbed a bottle of water and soaked himself with it for a long time, ensuring that each drop was placed beautifully on his tanned skin and fiery red hair so that he'd look like a model. To my misfortune, he did. And knowing Zelda with her love of hard rock 'n' roll, and her love of the band, this was a dream come true.

After seeing them talk for a good minute, I wondered if she only liked Demise because Ganondorf was in it. Like, wow. They had good chemistry with him acting all laid back and her gushing about how she loved their new album—even if the other band members were standing awkwardly by.

Yeah, I'm aware that I was a jealous boyfriend, so I went in there and intervened. Not callously—no not at all! What do you think I am? Vacuous? Nosiree! I went in there and joined their conversation, exchanging pleasantries, and what I thought was good chemistry was just Zelda's fangirliness and Ganondorf nodding his head and smiling like he most likely did to all the other fangirls that approached him. Upon my observations, he didn't like women—or men, for that matter.

"Isn't he amazing?" Zelda asked as we exited the stage. "His voice sounds so beautiful even when he isn't singing."

"Yeah. So what'd you guys talk about?"

"Just music! I'm not a crazy fan girl to ask what he ate breakfast or what brand of toothpaste he uses. What do you think I am?"

"A crazy fan girl."

"Shut up." She grinned and nudged me in the shoulder. I nudged her back.

And, to my surprise, she grabbed me fiercely and pushed me into a women's bathroom. And that's where we, uh, you know. Did the most romantic thing in the world in the most disgusting place in the world. Seriously, the place stank of shit, there was urine all over the bathroom floor, and some lady didn't even care if there were two lovers in the stall, she just sat in the stall next to ours and did her business.

I went with it. After nine months of dating and only a couple of kisses, I didn't mind the shit, the urine, the small space or the lady grunting next to us. We just did the dirty then and there.

At that time, I was feeling pretty good about myself—hot girlfriend, good school, awesome friends, mostly-awesome-friends-of-my-girlfriend (yeah, Ghiri. I'm lookin' at _you)._

Once again, he tried to ruin our relationship by constantly bringing Zelda into Ganondorf's presence. She really had the hots for Ganondorf, didn't even deny it, but she did say that her heart only belonged to me, so for a while I was okay with it. Until his visits and her visits were frequent, and I was stuck with Ghiri who kept on trying to do some sexy thing with his tongue (but it actually really turned me off).

Having enough of that bullshit, I stormed the front, entered Ganondorf's private manor, barged in, marched up his staircases and found them in the bedroom—they weren't doing any passionate stuff, I think they were just playing music—but me, being an idiot fueled with rage and jealousy, walked in anyways and smacked Ganondorf right into his honker while he was singing away, not noticing me coming in. Zelda screamed in fury at that and then hit me over the head with her hands.

"YOU IDIOT!" she cried.

Ganondorf, I discovered, was a nice fella. He laughed it off while his band members kept yelling at him (over a screaming Zelda) to sue me. To them, I was some random guy who trespassed his mansion and assaulted him. You know what that darling, ol' pal of mine said? Well, he said: "Nah, guys. He's just some guy jealous of my looks, money and body. I'm not gonna sue his ass when he clearly needs all the money he can get."

I remained silent at that because I really didn't want to lose any money. I swallowed my pride and walked out with my tail between my legs—and with Zelda harassing me for my behaviour.

Yeah. . . so the 'talk' we had after that (five months, no surprise there after nine months of doing nothing). We were in our second year of university. It felt like it would've been the end of us because she avoided me at all costs and I sat with my buds—Sheik and Ilia—with a stony expression until one day, when I was so drunk I couldn't even walk straight, I burst into tears and told them how much I missed Zelda.

That's when they devised a stupid plan of putting us back together.

"You're soul mates!" Ilia encouraged. And then Sheik would roll her eyes and harrumph at that.

"Just go get her. I've never seen you so lovewrecked since Midna rejected you for prom."

"GUYS! Zelda was so perfect and now she's gone because I'm so jealous and crazy—HYLIA . . . WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?"

That was the worst week of my life ever. I sat around in my dirty clothes and in my dirty skin that hadn't been washed for weeks, eating pizza and fast food, drinking a lot of beer, and occasionally channel surfing or sleeping. Thank Hylia for Ilia—she was the one who attended all our classes and lent me her lecture notes which she forced me to read. Not much really sank in, but it did her some good and it did me some good.

Sheik grabbed me out of the sofa and bathed me. Yup. She bathed me stark naked, claiming that she sketched nudes all the time. Me, not caring about life at all, just sat there like a lump of potatoes as she scrubbed with all her might, ignoring the awful grey tone of the water and the stench that exuded from my armpits.

Then Ilia came in with determination set in her voice. "Link! I set you up for some jealousy classes."

That _really _got to me. And she forced me to go, and go I did. I sat there and listened to some pretty interesting tales, got inspired, and vowed never to be such a blockhead again.

Zelda actually caught me instead of me catching her. We were at that horrible diner we had our first meal at. I sat at the booth we ate in a long time ago and even wore the same green hoodie. No tears came at such a fond memory.

Then, all of a sudden, she slipped into the seat opposite of mine, folded her hands on the table and gave me her too-cute-for-words grin.

"Link. Hey!" she started. "How's it going?"

"Zelda? What? What are you doing here?"

"Well, once you brought me here, I couldn't get enough of their shakes."

"They're some pretty damn good shakes, huh?"

"Yup. That they are."

And then . . . the awkward silence commenced!

Finally, the waitress came and asked for our orders. Zelda answered with a chocolate shake; I answered with a minty one.

"Green kinda suits you," she said at last, toying with the straw between her lips.

"Uh . . . thanks, I guess?" I replied.

"Ever heard of the saying 'green with envy'?" One of her perfectly plucked eyebrows rose.

I grimaced. "Are you implying something . . . ?"

"Nope, not at all . . ." She tilted her head downwards, covering the coming laughter.

"Listen, Zelda—"

"Link, I've been meaning to talk to you and I just wanted to say: I saw you going to some of your jealousy classes and attentively listening—"

"Wait, you were _stalking _me?"

"Yeah, Ilia showed me the place. Anyways, I saw you listening and writing notes down and actually trying to get rid of your jealousy problem. I was wondering . . . would you want to give it another go at it? Test out if your training worked?"

"MY HYLIA—YES, Zelda, YES!" It felt like I got engaged to her that day, and like a newly engaged couple, she and I bounded to our feet and gave each other passionate kisses that lasted far too long. I don't know how long we kissed, but all I remember is that some burly guy kicked us out of the diner while we were still clinging to each other's jackets.

As we walked home, Zelda popped up with a question.

"Hey, Link, I forgot to ask you all this time but . . . what's your favourite colour?"

I smiled. "Green."


End file.
